Chapter One
“You carry your own joy with you wherever you go."
- Kurt Schwitters
Blue (Early Visions Of The Void)
My room was always blue when I was a child; like an inside-out robin’s egg. May be that is why I spent so much time in there, because it felt safe. I was an only child. I spent most of my time alone.
When I was seven years old I had a vision while seated on the floor of my room. I know it was not a dream because I was awake when it happened.
I come to a fork in the road. The right fork is well lit and easy to navigate at first. It is smooth and wide If I go this way I know that eventually I will get lost. I will never come back. I will die. It will end in pain.
The left fork appears treacherous and uncertain. It quickly disappears into shadowy nothingness If I go this way I know that it will be very painful and difficult at first, but I will eventually come out the other side alive. I will be OK.
I understand the path on the right is a path to substance abuse and that the path on the left is the path of sobriety.
Everyone wonders why I have never used drugs and rarely drink. It is because I don't want to die.
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